Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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