Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
