Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize