I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
