Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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