You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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