i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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