I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
