if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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