Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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