Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
