I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
