So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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