If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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