I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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