I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
