Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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