By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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