new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
