he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
