I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
