did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
