he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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