That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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