my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
