a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
