i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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