apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
