How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We left an ass print on the piano.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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