So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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