PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
