if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
