At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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