saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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