I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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