you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
