my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
