i barfeds in our rink
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
