He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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