You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
