Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
