using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
