i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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