After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
