so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
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I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
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My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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