Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
