she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
are you so shy because you have an std?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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