I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She's like a pop up book from hell.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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