I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
