i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
tell me about the fingering
Randomize