it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
