I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
