I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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