Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
