Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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