reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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