i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
