I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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