sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
