After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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