I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have aggressive nipples.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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