lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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