Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
