dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
