dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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