He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
