I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
