Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
