so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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