Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
