your thong is hanging out like whoa
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
