I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
