Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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