Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
