Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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