well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
