how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
