If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
