Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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