we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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